we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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