I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
