Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
