sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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