dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
