Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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