One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
handjob tips. give me some.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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