Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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