I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
