Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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