Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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