at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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