omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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