i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
