dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
