i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
