I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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