do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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