great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
