Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
