any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.