Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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