sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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