Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
