So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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