Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Drunk is a universal language darling
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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