Have you finally orgasmed yet?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My cat gives me a boner
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
