My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
