when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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