i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize