Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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