If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
