He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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