we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
