Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize