As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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