took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
