So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
