i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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