I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
