That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
