i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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