A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
