escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
