you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize