Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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