see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
