i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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