Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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