gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
