All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
