nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
