he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
