Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
