i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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