I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
