Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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