I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
