I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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