Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
