who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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