That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
