Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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