How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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