I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
