I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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