i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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