Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
