You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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