just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
