So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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