Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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