I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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