Your face is a jimmy john
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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