The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I want a musical about memes.
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