time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
