And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
