She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
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I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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